Life is a maze and love is a riddle♥

Adios February!
{Monday, February 28, 2011}

Last day of february was the most hectic work day ever! D: Honestly, both me and elysia worked non-stopped from morning till we knocked off, except for that one hour break we had each. Gosh, my legs felt like they were going to break or something. After today, I've come to respect Dr Jane. She didn't complain a thing when we kept loading her with the SP and NYP students who came for medical checkup; I reckon 100 came, so I tried my best to help her all I can. Try handling a bunch of kiddos (okay they were fine) and their parents (!!!!!). I mean honestly, with so many people, do you not expect the LONG wait?! But no, I was peppered with complains and "eh why did the guy/girl after my son/daughter get to see the doctor before him/her?" FMLTTM, we arranged it in order okay! Hi fellow teenagers, pls do not bring your mummies next time. -.-

To make things worse, I felt like I was reenacting black swan because my left fingers were all dry with bits of skin coming out near the nails and I actually pulled some of them out in my frustration. D: Why is this happening to me, I'm alrdy putting handcream religiously every night! D: And my lips get dry v easily but lucky me lost my lipbalm (WHERE DID YOU GO!) -.- so I had to get another. I swear my working place is killing my skin. I think I need to soak myself in moisturiser before I go to work everyday. :O

Then again, it's goodbye february and hello MARCH! :D today, how time flies. But March is my month, so here's to 31 lovely Marchieee days! :D (It is not the month's fault that A lvl results are released on the 4th.)

8:49 PM

Rapunzel rapunzel, let down your hair...?
{Wednesday, February 23, 2011}

I finally did something life changing?

It's been a day since I had my short hair and I guess so far it ain't really that bad. Of course there are times where I look into the mirror and get stunned by the length (or the lack of) of my hair but there are also moments where I think the hair kinda suits me. So far, I've had mixed responses. There are people who tell me my long hair was nice and they're probably thinking 'What the heck did qianwen just do!', there are those who give thumbs up to my short hair, there are those who ask me isn't it hot with hair around but I think the best respond came from Jessica (colleague), who called me mei nv when I entered the room HAHAHA.

I've got to admit though, I look a bit like how I look when I was really young. The last time I had short hair was probably in P1! And it was all because my mum was too lazy to tie my hair for me, so my sister and I had to keep short hair! So naturally, the moment I knew how to tie my hair, it was long hair all the wayyyy till 18! This year I decided it was time for a change. I mean, having stopped studying, things have pretty much been changing like crazy, so why not go with the flow! (: Also, I think what Jason told me kind of struck me in my heart. Like how after turning 18 you'll feel old and the next moment you know you'll be 21! I don't want time to pass by as if I did nothing within those 2 years! So to commemorate my before turning 19 period, it's time to go short! :D So far it's pretty good. Like I don't have to tie my hair once I reach my work place so I save time. I save shampoo too! And I don't have use conditioner that often. The only downside is I'm still trying to get use to it, and secretly hoping I have no bad hair days! My hair can go wiry more easily now that it's short. I can't even hide it by tying it up or something! More importantly, my hairties! T.T Byeeee, I'll miss you guys for awhile huh! :O

Nowww, it will be good to shock more people with my short hair, HAHAHA. The old me would never have done this but guess what, I'm no longer that person anymoreeee! This calls for a celebration, and more spontaneity! :D
I'm secretly hoping you won't get a shock when you see my hair!!! Hahaha, love you! (:

8:59 PM

The weight of the world on my shoulders
{Sunday, February 20, 2011}

不够朋友的，应该是我吧。

8:33 PM

A burdened leader.
{Saturday, February 19, 2011}

Today has been pretty okay, it wasn't really busy like my weekdays (duh) and even though I had to travel to school for the UPenn interview and teach tuition in the afternoon, it was pretty good! Currently, I'm reading Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult and I'm going to be finishing it really soon!

Walking into the school grounds, it felt a little different and funnily I actually approached the security guard and got myself a visitor pass. It wasn't as if I felt like I didn't belong, but I didn't want to feel like I was trespassing on the grounds although school was always remain as a home to me. The security guard was really nice anyway, and surprisingly, an unfamiliar face.

So when I reached the consultation area, it was like November all over again. For a moment, I could see myself and the rest at our favourite spots studying and grumbling about it all. I saw us at our usual spots, like it was a saturday or sunday, studying and fooling around and suddenly, I just missed the times I had. You know how those who graduated always say studying is better than working? But to me, I think it is just different. There's no basis for comparison because you are doing two different things with different purposes. Just in school, you get this extra sense of security because you have your friends and teachers with you. As if nothing is going to change, and nothing bad will happen. Out there, you have to face new challenges and make new friends and working politics are inevitable.

The interview lasted for 25mins and it was pretty good. I could answer her questions but I guess I've come to realise that everytime I mention that I want to study medicinal chemistry and learn all about the drugs, people will definitely ask me, why not be a doctor? Perhaps they don't see it, but it's different. Being a doctor takes a lot of compassion, which is evident in Dr Michael Wong, but I know myself very well, that when things get difficult or when I'm tired, compassion is not going to be my top priority. I'm just not suited to be a doctor. Being a researcher, now that's a different thing. I can have my bad days and no one will be affected, because I'll just coop up in my laboratory and do my experiments. Sometimes I think it's the loner in me which makes being a researcher more suited for me. I happen to like solitude and privacy. But then again, with my current job, things are evidently changing. Having faced different types of patients since day 1, I'm starting to think that it ain't really that bad, because I'm rewarded with thankyous and smiles.

But I guess what really struck my heart during the trip back to school wasn't the interview but what happened later on. Some things just don't change. And some things change so rapidly, you need more than a moment to adapt and accept. For now, I'm just really sad that I can't be of any help. All I could do was stand there and listen while you ramble off all the problems you're facing and I saw them, but I could give you no advice nor help. I'm sorry. I could see your burdens, your heavy heart, your questions, your doubts and the gradual loss of determination and resilience but all I could tell you was to keep going on. It's tough, but you and I know if you lose it now, all will be gone. Part of me feels guilty for being one of those who burdened you with this heavy responsibility. Back then we all knew you were the one, but right now, I wish we can do something for you just to lessen your load. But you and I know, any interference should be minimal. Every team happens once and this team is yours. All I can say is, know that we're right behind you, giving you the support you need in our hearts. But I'm really glad you can find support from another channel too, one where you can peace with. Jiayou!, you're tough and you know you can do it!

Just what did 2 months do to you guys?

Despite knowing change is inevitable, I've yet to learn to embrace it each time it comes, and it comes so often. I guess life is just a neverending learning process but some days, I learn so much I need to reflect.

2 more weeks; peeps, the stuff they want to give us on the actual day are already in the hall. Just not sorted.

7:29 PM

It's friday already?
{Friday, February 18, 2011}

Time flies when you're working (never when you're studying, well unless you're studying for As!)

I have a UPenn interview tmr, I'm alrdy regretting signin up for it cause it's optional. Tell me why I did it! D: I absolutely have no idea how to prepare for it and half of me is feeling like I shld heck it since I have my offers (okay, so only one is good) but the half is telling me I wont be able to meet my offers! UCL, why are you traumatising me with questions I don't know how to answer instead of just offering me a placing, D:

Unbelievably, a new temp staff came to work on wednesday and she's from hc too! Me and elysia were chatting today (SLACK DAY) and how in 2 weeks time we're going to be receiving our results and what not! D: Please let them be alright! POP nxt week but Idk what time it starts! Definitely wanna go back though!

I need to runnnnnnn, can't wait for nxt saturday! Haven't seen nat and kinkin in ages! :O

9:55 PM

我懂失去的悲伤, 也懂进退的挣扎
{Tuesday, February 08, 2011}

These few days have been really hectic! Starting from day 1 of CNY till today, I've yet to have proper sleeping time, :( But CNY has been absolute fun! Reunion dinner was surprisingly rather heartwarming, day 1 I had fun reuniting with cousins that I hardly meet and joking about!, day 2 I had fun gambling my whole day away, day 3 was awesome because I went xy's and cassy's hse and playing mj with aaron, sandra, jonl, cca and wenhao was especially fun cause we just kept niao-ing cca haha, day 4 was more fun at wq's house where we got to meet jane! (Yufong I'm so damn proud of you!) and watch as the 3 guys lose their hair just to protect our country.

Yesterday I started work and headed to F1 pit for chingay after that so it was really tiring. I just kept yawning my way there! But chingay was surprisingly fun haha, getting to know people like jason and huifang whom I have no problem chatting to! (: Work ytd was hectic for my first day! But it was better today cause halfday at the clinic! So far, so good. (:

Tonight, I'm going to sleep by 11pm! Because tmr is an exciting day -- assisting Dr Michael Wong! (IKR, what a coincidence, I mean the name). It's been pretty cool so far and I hope it stays this way throughout! I guess the bad side is that I'm standing so much, my legs are going to break soon. Haha, aches!

Hope you guys had fun during CNY too and byebye guys going in! JIAYOUS! (:

8:18 PM

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! :D
{Thursday, February 03, 2011}

又是新的一年，希望大家在这一年可以过得很充实，很快乐，也很幸福!
也希望你天天都脸带笑容！

10:11 AM