I like singing myself silly, meaningful lyrics, red, baking, smileys, cakes, rum & raisins, taking long walks, observing people, reading, change of heart, baby blues, running, making new friends, lying down and watching clouds go by, chatting with friends, traveling around singapore, eating good food, glass jars, daisies, swings, daydreaming, going to places I've never been before, the smell of rain & anything pretty.
Oh, look what you've done
{Sunday, October 31, 2010}
Only 9 more days (no longer a double digit!) and this is the state I am in. Sometimes I wonder if I've ever gotten my priorities right, I forgo sleep just to talk with the people I love and then I wake up in the morning feeling like shit. Then I think again and I know given a chance, I would have done it all over again. Falling sick, I can feel it, this is damn shit because I have no time and energy to fall sick. & no matter what others think or say, I'm not doing enough.
How does it all end up being okay? How do I jump and land safe?
Whatever it is, there's no time for me to ponder over useless things, I need to get up and go. The marathon has yet to start.
{Sunday, October 24, 2010}
I woke up and it feels like something's changed.
Okay sian this is stupid I was supposed to nap for half an hour only (LIKE YOU KNOW, POWER NAP) but in the end it stretched to 95 minutes BECAUSE...
I had a dream. Guess what I was doing. HAHAHAH.
-.- Having bio remedial with the remedial people, I CANNOT BELIEVE I DREAMT OF MR POH.! It was damn weird, we were having remedial but all dressed nicely as if we were going for prom HAHAH. Can't rmb what Mr Poh said though! & we weren't in a classroom, we were outdoors where there were tables, it was dark, little stars in the sky and no candles at all so how did we have remedial? HMMM.
See, this is what happens when you do bio before you nap. HAHAH. Or did it come from all that crashing of bio remedials? ;)
6:20 PM
还有很久的那一天我也要有你陪
{Saturday, October 23, 2010}
16? 15? 14?
I'm losing count on the number of days left till A levels but I can safely tell you there's 39 more days to the end. (: I'm still feeling very surreal, it's like a do or die matter but while the hours creep away, I'm still at the same spot, trying to accomplish the impossible in vain. Need.to.get.my.act.together.! I guess the only good thing that came out was the fact that I'm even closer to classmates that I've never been close to before. Many of them, cause now we're studying together. I love this feeling. How everyone is working quietly towards the same goal, and how no matter what happens I know I have people around me to help me when I get frustrated over my work. (: I LOVE YOU ALL MY MUGGIN' MATES! :D
Graduated on thursday!
Love you guys a lot a lot, will miss you all! :(
11:22 PM
偶尔很清醒 偶尔去抗拒
{Monday, October 18, 2010}
I need to face my fears, stupid they may seem, but it's a hurdle that I've been trying to cross for days, in vain. What entails success? Do I gain it simply from failing a thousand times? Or from the never ending perserverance? I think it's the latter; for I've lost it, so everything went down the drain.
Whatever it is, time is something I'm racing with and it's do or die. I choose the former.
11:23 PM
So let me be and I'll set you free
{Friday, October 15, 2010}
I hated that moment when others were waiting for us to be compared. They failed to see that we were both unique and different individuals with no basis for comparison.
8:20 AM
make sure i guarded my heart
{Wednesday, October 13, 2010}
Am I fish? Why do I take whatever you're dangling in front of me?
10:34 PM
If perfect is what you're searching for then just stay the same
{Tuesday, October 12, 2010}
I've been going home late for the past few days of school and it's been really draining on me, :( However, I'm really glad that SAT is over (good scores pls!) and I can finally focus on studying on A levels.
Who am I kiddin', I'm not doing well in that area either. Time is really speeding by, I swear. I can spend ages working on a single piece of work and I have so much too do, so little time but I just can't seem to increase my pace. It's really terrible, and I know its not due to distractions from people around me. It's really about myself and how I study. Somehow, it's not working. :( There's no balance, between the amount of effort and time I'm putting in and the amount I'm accomplishing. Damn shitz. :(
I'm sleepy every single day because I sleep 5 hrs or less each day and my brain just can't function as well. It's a torturous cycle but I can't help it. I'm stuck in this routine until everything is over. For now, I'm just really glad that I have friends studying with me and in the midst of intense muggin', there are still laughters to be hear and smiles to be seen. :)
& I'm reading nineteen minutes now, although it's just when I'm on the bus to and fro home but still, it's a pleasure to read a good book (so far, it's been really exciting!) and it's one way for me to relax. I guess if I think about it, I'm still good to go!
09S7G YOU GUYS ARE DAMN ZAI! (for bio, haha) :D Yay, I love you guys! :)
10:49 PM
Falls right into place
{Sunday, October 10, 2010}
jiawen says: lol hey where can you see ypurself in 10 years? 芊妏♡ says: i'll be 28, im expecting to have an awesome bf by then but i'll be still working jiawen says: A MIRROR. HHAHAHAH LOL 芊妏♡ says: -.- jiawen says: HAHAHAHAHAHHAH lol 芊妏♡ says: WTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I decided to do it on QR...
芊妏♡ says: hey, where can you see yourself in 10 years? ` RΛWRRΛWR! [RDC] [c=30]qr[/c] ): says: so random!! 芊妏♡ says: just answer!! ` RΛWRRΛWR! [RDC] [c=30]qr[/c] ): says: err working.. going to be married? 芊妏♡ says: hahahs, IN A MIRRORR! ` RΛWRRΛWR! [RDC] [c=30]qr[/c] ): says: err working.. going to be married? lolol -.- cheato maybe nxt time no mirrors Liao!!!
I think I failed, but qr said it was funny, LOL.
30 MORE DAYS, GO QIANWEN!
10:34 PM
Dear Angela,
Can you please come up with a new album? I'm missin' you. :(
I say a lot but at the end of the day, I'm still the one without courage.
12:39 AM
Give me hope
{Wednesday, October 06, 2010}
Today's an ex-bestie bday (or shall I contd to call her a bestie although we no longer talk? D:) and well, I just miss her and the times we used to spend together. It's quite sad to lose contact with people that you were once so close to but I've come to realise that at the end of the day, I just want her to happy. & I'm happy to see her living her life so happily. :)
There's this really sweet lady who sells yong tau foo at JE. I've been going to her stall quite a bit and she's always so nice to me. She'll happily add more stuff for me even though I don't need them at all but she does it all the same. There was once when I ordered guo tiao and she ran out of it so I just took the yellow noodles but she added beansprouts for me with no extra charges. Then today, when I ordered again, she asked me if I would like anything else and although I kindly refused them, she added beansprouts for me again. I love how she's always very focused on her work and always treat her customers courteously. It's really awesome to meet nice strangers. :)
I know it's weird but I'm still not in the right state for A levels. While others are muggin' their asses off and strugglin' with the lack of sleep, I'm still wandering about like a lost soul who's trying to find something, something intangible, something I seem to have lost in the past. My heart is yearning for it, but the soul is utterly useless in its futile search. Now if only I can put a name to it.
Perhaps it's the series of unfortunate events that had happened. Suddenly I'm another person, someone I've pretty much been wishing to become, but now that I'm it, I'm at a lost. It feels like a new identity and suddenly I'm nameless. There is nothing to me and no connections linked at all. It's as if I'm in a bubble and I'm walking slowly and firmly, waiting for something to happen but still, nothing is happening.
Okay, ignore that, I think I'm just weird.
More importantly, I want to thank my friends for being there for me these few days. I needed it and well, you know who you are. I really appreciate the company and the spontaneous sessions of counselling when I needed them desperately. You guys just know how to steer me to the right direction and to focus on the right thing. Thanks for asking and well, you know where to find me when you need me! :) I just hope there will be no more (I repeat, no more!) unexpected surprises. Sometimes they tend to kill.
大家,我们一起加油吧!:)
P/S: I'm giving free hugs; ask me if you need one! :)
10:17 PM
So I'll let my walls come down
{Sunday, October 03, 2010}
Everything starts tomorrow. :) I'm going to study proper and spend every precious second doing something important (not just studying), instead of wasting them away like what I've been doing the past week. It's time to get my act together and work really hard for the next 5 weeks so that I can embrace my freedom (true freedom!) with peace and happiness.
I guess it's really hard to balance life now. Somehow no matter how hard we try, something must go, if we study we can't exercise (I can't, serious); if we tumblr we can't study (HAHAH), but at the end of the day its worth it, aint it? To catch up shows after seasons after seasons have alrdy been out, to enjoy picnics and kites in your dreams, to miss out on the next sale(aww!), to have a list of must-reads only to be reading books not on the list and well, it goes on...
Surprisingly I am not stressful. Maybe I'll start panicking tmr when I see fellow mates having studied more than me, but I've always been an own pace, own race kind of person so I guess I'm not affected. Although I do need people to keep me on track at times; I tend to deviate and when I start, I can't stop! So friends (who are studying with me!), please give me timely reminders!
Actually I find it very exciting now, I'm really high, I don't if its cause of Teenage Dream or what, but isn't it exciting? This very path we're going down is going to lead us to freedom and bliss and although some may wish for more time before A's come, I choose to make full use of my time and enjoy the process. I guess I'm just surprise to admit that I'm really happy now.! Is that a crime? Or am I nerd because I'm embracing my books? HAHAH, IDK. I've been feeling really relaxed (like As is over, I wish!) and I haven't felt like this for very long. Perhaps its an evanescence and the bubble will burst when I see my results but for now, I'm really enjoying every moment.
Not to forget, Mrs Lee KY will be dearly missed. It's really saddening to see a loving couple apart but we all know their love stays and lives in their hearts forever.
Just realised why I don't feel like studyin', stress is what drives me, and since I'm feeling carefree now, what stress is there?
More babyblues because they help me stay alive; I know someone out there needs them too! :)
Good night and good bye! :)
Stay happy everyone! :)
11:11 PM
HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY
{Friday, October 01, 2010}
"Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life." - Gabriel García Márquez
Something related to what we talked about last night.
So far I'm just feeling infuriating over SAT because despite doing so much practices (perhaps I haven't done enough?), I'm still scoring below 2200 and I'm feeling exasperated because all I need is to have fewer mistakes, mistakes that I know can be turned to good points and a good score. :( Nonetheless, I'm not giving up, I'm dogged, indefatigable, and won't give up till the end! To be honest, (you can consider me mad) but I've come to think that SAT is actually quite fun to study? Perhaps its because there is nothing related to As that I want to study now. I'm still stumped by those who can pick up their books just couple of days after prelims. I know I'm slow (like hello, it's a week after the last paper!!!) but nothing, and honestly, nothing, can make me crack those books. Not until my grades come back, which will be too late by then.
Forgive me if I sound weird, I'm singing and listening to my ex-fav songs now so I can't really concentrate on bloggin', heh. I blame nelson for this, cause I never knew he listened to chinese songs (pray forgive me for having those thoughts but you really look like you don't listen to chinese songs at all!) and now I'm hooked onto emo chinese songs again.! O.O
& I was hummin' that stupid song this morning in front of lorraine but yeah, I couldn't tell her what song it was (obviously~) while she was tryin' her best to figure it out.
O.O Just realised we're getting a lot of papers back next week, including H3! AHHHHHHHHHH!